Over the last two years I have given a lot of thought about where my life is going. I am a mother to three beautiful children. I love them dearly, but they don't need the constant attention and care they did when they were younger. I have a wonderful husband, but let's face it, he is pretty self-sufficient. I have my responsibilities in the church and responsibilities to my extended family. But more and more, I began thinking about what I wanted for me. I often prayed about where my life should go next. Every time I gave it any serious thought, my mind would clear except for one sentence. "You are supposed to write." So in the last year I have started to give a lot of attention to my passion - writing.
I have always loved the written word. I remember when I was a little girl and my parents would try to spell the things they didn't want me to know about. It didn't work very well for them because I could always follow the conversation. They couldn't leave anything around the house, because I would read it. As soon as I figured out how to hold a pencil, I started writing. As a child, I wrote a lot of poems and stories for my younger brothers and sisters. And I always said I would someday write a book.
So someday is here. I wrote a book. Now I have to reach for the next rung on the ladder and actually publish a book. But when I look back at the little girl I was, I wonder why it took me so long to get to this point. I went from writing everyday, to never writing at all. I guess life has a way of taking our dreams and pushing them aside.
But we are told in the scriptures that there is a time and a season for everything. I spent many years just trying to keep my head above water - working two jobs and being a single mom will do that to a person. Even now that I am married to a wonderful man and my kids are getting a little older, life still tries to push the dream aside. Sometimes I feel like I am in the bottom of a deep well, trying to get to the top, but people keep throwing things down at me and I have to deal with them before I can climb out to where I want to be.
I've been thinking about this because I have two younger sisters who have both talked to me in the last few weeks about finding their passion. One of my sisters just sent her youngest child to kindergarten and is now realizing that she has some time to herself. She went out and bought art supplies to pick up a talent she had before she was married. My other sister just had her fourth child and asks me sometimes, "How do you find your passion? I don't even think I know who I am anymore." We mothers tend to do this to ourselves. We devote our lives to our children and families at the cost of our own dreams and aspirations.
We have talked about this many times. I always tell them, "Learn everything you can about anything that interests you. Think about the things you loved as a kid and a young adult. Take the time to find yourself. And when the time is right, things will fall into place for you to pursue your dreams. Find your passion, pursue your goal, and set your sights upon the stars. God gave us talents and abilities. It is up to us to find out what they are and build upon them."
Meanwhile, I have found my passion. This whole business of writing is exciting to me. It feels like something I was meant to do. I have stopped wishing I were better at other things, because this is who I am. And now when people ask me what I do, I lift my head high and tell them, "I am a wife, a mother, and a writer."